Do Sparkly Cows Eat Granola? @DecadentPub #ParanormalRomance

Debbie: Howdy all. Today we are in Never Never land interviewing Ali—I mean the awesome Taryn Kincade.

LJ: Don’t you mean Wendy? And wait, how did we get to Never Never land?

Debbie: I have no clue. Fell down a rabbit hole? You’re not supposed to ask those questions. Sheesh, you never asked how we got underground or to a vampire castle or anywhere else we’ve been. Besides all that, who’s Wendy?

LJ: Wendy Darling who, along with her brother John and Michael, gets sprinkled with Tinker Bell’s fairy dust and then flies to Never Never land with Peter Pan. (glances as Deb’s cup) Did someone sprinkle some dust into your drink?

Debbie: Huh. So where does Alice go?

LJ: Down the rabbit hole of course into Wonderland – well, after she drinks a potion, eats a cake, and then cries a lot. Hmm…I think Louis Caroll understands the misery of yo-yo dieting.

Debbie: Wonderland, Never Never land, potato, potato.

LJ: Suuure. Look, there’s our guest. 

LJ: Hey, Taryn! So glad to have you here today!

DEBBIE: Yes, welcome. Let’s jump right in. Do you stick to one genre or do you bounce around. If so what is your fav genre to write.

TARYN: Who told you about the trampoline installed next to my computer? Who?

LJ: Wait, you’ve got a trampoline? Ooo! I want one!

DEBBIE: Oh, Lord! Now see what you’ve started?

LJ: What? It’s a trampoline! So, Taryn, in what environment to you do your best writing—when you’re not having fun bouncing on your cool trampoline?

TARYN: A palatial environment. I think a picture is worth a billion words. 

Just one of the many special writing environments I maintain worldwide.

LJ: Will you adopt me?

DEBBIE: I KNEW this interview was going to be trouble.

LJ: Trouble really? I mean, look at the place. Who wouldn’t want to live there? It’s gorgeous! And who knows, she might want to adopt me. I’m easy to take care of…just give me some coffee and I’m good. J So, Taryn, in a cool place like that, what does the kitchen look like?

TARYN: Shiny. And viewtastic. (As if.)

Here’s a picture of my kitchen in, hmmm, oh, Australia, I think. So hard to keep track. Yes, I do believe that would be a glimpse of the Sydney opera house outside my kitchen window.

LJ: Awesome!

DEBBIE: See why we are meeting in Never Never land??

LJ: Ohhh. So, you’re saying she could  adopt me and I could live in that amazing house. Sooo, Taryn…do you cook in that fab kitchen? What’s your favorite dish to make?

TARYN: Cook? Moi? Surely you jest. I just showed you a picture of one of my many kitchens, didn’t I? I just ring the little bell and covered trays are wheeled out onto the terrace. Perhaps the pool area. By celebrity chefs and buff cabana boys.

LJ: Did you hear that, Deb? Buff cabana boys! I’m not sure if that would make writing easier or harder.

DEBBIE: Definitely not easier.

LJ: Alrighty, let’s jump in. Tell us about the story.

TARYN: It’s the story of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold, like their mother. The youngest one in curls. It’s the story of a man named Brady…

Oh. Wait.

Yeah, no. That would be the Brady Bunch. I’m so easily confused.

Here’s HEAT WAVE’s official blurb-o-licious:

.....Sent into the human realm to retrieve prodigal princess, Zena Night, Bhyrne Raines is shocked and unprepared for his carnal reaction to the sexy succubus. In service to the succubus queen, the rugged enforcer must stifle the instant passion exploding within him. Fulfilling his royal duty doesn’t allow for quickie dalliances. His biological clock is ticking, and he begins to enter breedspawn, an intense and unstoppable frenzy of mating all fire-demon males must endure. But the more he wants to avoid Zena, the more he’s drawn to her.
.....Reluctant to give up her carefree life of partying among the mortals when the hot-as-sin Bhyrne comes to fetch her for the queen, Zena uses her succubus wiles to entice him, or at least delay the inevitable trip to the royal court. Once in the demon stronghold, hidden deep within the Catskill mountains, she learns the reason for the summons: she must choose a consort within two days.
.....Zena needs a mate. Bhyrne needs to mate. With time running out for both of them, they each turn to 1Night Stand. With time running out, can Madame Eve come to the rescue?

DEBBIE: Oh, I think we all know Madame Eve will, the fun part is learning how.

LJ: Yes! It’s what I love about these 1Night Stand stories.

DEBBIE: Okay, tell us about Bhyrne. What three words best describe him?

TARYN: Hot. And. Sexy.

(Also, steadfast, loyal, lusty.)

(I could go on. And on.)

LJ: If that last one had said “trustworthy” I would’ve thought Boy Scout. But I’m thinking this dude ain’t no Boy Scout. LOL

DEBBIE: Ummmm, he’s a fire-demon, LJ. I think that is the polar opposite of a Boy Scout. Just sayin.

LJ: And you’d be right. It don’t get no more opposite than that. High Five!

DEBBIE: (eye roll) So, tell us something about him that’s not in the book.

TARYN: What, it’s not enough that I spilled his deepest, darkest secret? That his guilty pleasure when an assignment for the Queen of the Succubi takes him topside to the human realm is to visit the Cinnabon stand in the mall? Where he can munch down to his heart’s content and demand extra cream cheese frosting? And that Zena’s scent reminds him of the heavenly rolls?

        But better than that. Spicier. Muskier. As if trickles of rich mocha, dark chocolate, a hint of pepper, and brain-melting sex had been swirled into the alluring bun recipe. His mouth practically watered. He wanted to devour her. 

Yeah, um, so no. He still hasn’t really forgiven me that one. So if you think I’m going to annoy the Queen’s grimmest, brawniest enforcer any more…you think wrong.

LJ: Uh, okay. (whispers to Deb) Cinnamon rolls?

DEBBIE: Cinnamon rolls with extra cream cheese frosting.

LJ: Drat. Now I’m hungry.

DEBBIE: You can hold off for a little while longer. So Breedspawn, huh? These poor Demon males have if rough. Does Bhyrne like being a demon?

TARYN: As opposed to what?  Being a Disney princess? President of the World Bank?

It’s not like he knows anything else. He’s bigger and stronger than humans. Way more gorgeous. And he’s immortal.

LJ: Immortal. Hmm…there’s a question for you, Deb. Would you want to be immortal?

DEBBIE: I dunno, maybe. But, probably not. Hmmm, good question.

LJ: While Deb cogitates on that, tell us what Bhyrne looks like.

TARYN: He’s huge. He’s got the muscles and expression of a warrior. He’s so solid he looks like he’s made of industrial strength iron, from his steel-colored eyes to his weed-whacked hair. Let’s just put it this way…you’d probably be happy to have his boots under your bed.

DEBBIE: (elbows Laura) What are you singing?

LJ: Shania Twain’s Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under.

DEBBIE: Really? It sounded more like Hank Williams’s Your Cheatin’ Heart.

LJ: What? Not even close!

DEBBIE: Huh, bad ears I guess.

LJ: Sooo…speaking of flaws, what’s the big guy’s biggest character flaw?

TARYN: He might be just a tad judgmental. But you have to forgive him. He’s crazed by lust and demented with breedspawn.

LJ: Not sure what I think about the “demented with breedspawn” part. Deb, your thoughts?

DEBBIE: Pass!

LJ: We have had Death in at least one of our stories…not to mention all the blogs he’s chased us through. And we have another story with a huge, nasty demon…..

DEBBIE: Your point?

LJ: What is breedspawn exactly?

DEBBIE: Do you not pay attention? It’s when the males go crazy and want to fornicate endlessly.

LJ: So, let’s go more picket fences. What is his hobby or pastime activity?

TARYN: Sneaky how you are trying to get me to spill another one of his deep, dark secrets. Like the Cinnabon thing wasn’t enough.  I sooooooo do not want to get on that male’s bad side. Not that he has a bad side, mind you. The view is damn awesome from every angle.  I will say that he does not play the piccolo. That’s not really snitching. He told that to Zena himself.

LJ: Well, I would hope he didn’t play the piccolo. LOL

DEBBIE: What’s wrong with the piccolo?

LJ: It’s a euphamism. He shouldn’t play the piccolo…but she should. Oh, never mind. The piccolo is a fine musical instrument which without, John Philip Sousa’s Stars and Stripes Forever would never sound the same.

DEBBIE: Huh, we’ll get back to that. (turns to Taryn) And what about Zena. What three words describe her?

TARYN: Sultry, sexy succubus.

(Fast and loose.)

(Until meeting Bhyrne.)

I think I just wrote a haiku! Well, kinda. Gosh, I’m so creative.

LJ: Close…but still cool. We’ll call it the Tarynaiku. How’s that? J

DEBBIE: ?? Huh?

LJ: Okay…you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? You’re trying to make me be Sheldon today. Okay, a traditional Haiku is a Japanese form of poetry. In contrast to English verse typically characterized by meter (or syllables), Japanese verse counts sound units known as "on" or morae. Traditional haiku consist of 17 on, in three phrases of five, seven and five on respectively.

            A question is asked (5)

            Sighing, smacking of forehead (7)

            Lights on, house empty. (5)

But since our lovely guest was so creative, I thought to do so as well and call her impromptu poem a Tarynaiku instead of a Haiku. Seeeeeee?? And then Sheldon would roll his eyes and finish with something like, “I swear, why do I even bother?” or some such.

DEBBIE: (In my Penny voice) Mumbo jumbo.

LJ: (In my Sheldon voice) Oh, my word. Well, if you’re going to quote the show, you could at least have the decency to get it right. The term Penny used was jibber-jabber. Mumbo jumbo is completely different from jibber-jabber. The term “mumbo jumbo” was first used during the mid 1700s and most notably refers to what one might think as a meaningless incantation or ritual. Also, when the first letters are capitalized as in “Mumbo Jumbo” it refers to the guardian of western Sudan villages symbolized by a masked man who combats evil and punishes women for breaches of tribal laws. But I don’t think that was what you meant.
.....Jibber-Jabber was also coined in the mid-1700s—which might explain your confusion. It has also become modern slang term which was made popular by that fabulous actor Mr. T—most noted for his sterling performance on The A Team. It was sometime in the mid-80s when Mr. T said, “Shut up all the jibber-jabber, fool.” The term has its roots in the word “gibberish” and refers to nonsense words or to speak incoherently.

DEBBIE: (huge eye roll) Shut up all the jibber-jabber, fool!

LJ: Touché!

DEBBIE: I think I’ve met Zena in Lake George, and I KNEW  there was a demon stronghold in those mountains but no one would ever believe me, hmmf, but, uh anyway, tell us a deep dark secret about her that no one knows.

TARYN: She’s a New York Giants fan.

DEBBIE: Sorry, Jets all the way!

LJ: Yeah, and I’m all-in for the Falcons. So, let’s switch up the angle to more suburban-like questions…What is her favorite comfort food?

TARYN: Nibbling Bhyrne.

LJ: Wait, is that even a food?

DEBBIE: Noooo, it’s a demon. Pay attention.

LJ: No, you pay attention—and quit drinking whatever you got in that glass. Taryn, what was the first thing she noticed about Bhyrne?

TARYN: Her first impression…from HEAT WAVE:

.....One of the Queen’s guards stood before her, huge and tall, nearly twice the size of most of the other males in the joint, a hella hunka supernatural male. Clearly not human, although Hugo Boss’d to his Adam’s apple in an apparent bid to fit in among the humans trolling for hot sex, illicit drugs, watered-down booze and loud music. Beneath the fabric of the unstructured designer suit, the toned muscles of a demonic warrior rolled like tidal waves. Even without the small lapel pin the uninformed might mistake for the The Rolling Stones’ logo, she’d recognize him for a captain of the guard. Maybe the Queen’s own Captain.

Hellfire and cotton candy. Trouble. T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

But, by the goddess, whattahottie! Despite her certainty that his presence in the club corridor boded ill for her, the force of her sudden hunger shook her.

LJ: Ooo, like the “hellfire and cotton candy” part. Of course that means trouble! LOL

DEBBIE: Why does hellfire and cotton candy mean trouble?

LJ: OMG! If you have to ask…. (turns to Taryn) Without any plot spoilers, what is Zena’s main goal?

TARYN: Well, eventually she came around to seeing the value of an HEA. Doesn’t everyone?

LJ: Well, yeah. Awesome!

DEBBIE: Finally you people are making sense! Whew.

LJ: Okay, let’s tease the reader…what are the first seven lines of the story? Yep, that’s it. Seven. J

 

TARYN: [Note from Taryn: These are the first seven sentences. You will note they were not in the “official” excerpt for a reason. J If you have to substitute something else, let me know!]

.....“Off your knees, princess.”
.....Zena’s consciousness barely registered the deep masculine growl from somewhere behind her. Her mental and physical awareness remained centered entirely on the man in front of her in the club hallway: the groaning human whose joystick throbbed in her mouth. The one she continued to lick and Hoover with the gusto of a kid with a Popsicle.
.....Outside the dim corridor leading to the restrooms and private lounges, music blared from the main dance floor, only vaguely muted by thick concrete walls. The pounding beat reverberated loudly enough to give any mortal a week’s worth of Excedrin headaches. With the possible exception, that is, of the one whose beef jerked with every sweep of her tongue and pneumatic pull.

LJ: Uhhhmmm…. Can we print this in our blog, Deb?

DEBBIE: The only questionable thing I read was “The pounding beat reverberated loudly enough to give any mortal a week’s worth of Excedrin headaches.” If Excedrin doesn’t do it by day one you’re in trouble.
Quickies:

Sword or pen? Whichever is mightier.

Boxers or Briefs? Boxers. Except if they have cauliflower ears and their noses have been busted too many times. But I make my living with briefs so…yeah. You do the math.

Bacon and eggs or pancakes and sausage? Strict diet these days. Currently I am sipping a mango-yogurt smoothie. I do eat mass quantities of eggs, though. No bacon (sniff), or pancakes or sausage.

Mountains or Ocean? My demons live in the mountains, you know. So for vacation…ocean!

A night on the town or a night under the stars? So a night on the town can’t be under the stars? If I say under the stars…does that involve a tent and a campground and sleeping on rocks? If so…just no.

Favorite color? Blue.

FINAL QUESTION:

.....You’re out in a field, taking astral pictures of the latest meteor passing between Earth and the moon. There’s a herd of cattle not far off, but they seem quiet enough, all standing around asleep. Maybe some cow-tipping later tonight? Yep, too good to pass up! Grinning, you adjust your tin foil hat.
.....You line up your telescope and peek through the eyepiece. Holy Cow! That’s not a meteor…that’s a huge spaceship! You consider running for a second, but you’re mesmerized…plus it rained the night before and your knee high boots have sunk down into the mud. So, what the hey, why not watch a moment longer?
.....You peek into the eyepiece and realize the ship is on a trajectory to Earth. Now, you’re panicked. You struggle to free yourself, but no such luck…however, in the process, you car keys fell out of your pocket and are now buried in the muck. Oh, yay!.....You look through your telescope again, but can’t see a dang thing. What the— Lifting your head to gaze up at the heavens, you gasp. The ship is hovering over the field. A beam of light shoots to the ground, and when it vanishes, something remains behind. You squint, expecting to see tiny gray creatures, but wait…no…is that…? A herd of cows? The herd marches toward you, mooing ominously. Okay, this is freaky. Still stuck in the mud, you’re unable to do anything but standby and watch. The cow at the front of the herd…um, the lead or head cow as it were, or maybe it’s the CIC – Cow in Charge – moos louder. “Mmmmaaaryn. Mmmaryn!” (Okay, so they aren’t good with the letter T, but you know they’re calling you.) You notice something strange about the CIC. OMG! Is that cow sparkling?.....Out of nowhere (well, from across the field), the other herd of cattle that was peacefully sleep, charge against the alien cattle. The battle is fierce. Steaks and sides of beef lay scattered across the muddy land. The alien cows have slaughtered the other cows who were coming to protect you. Course, how can an Earth cow ever hope to stand against an alien cow with lasers that shoot out of their nostrils? Several of the alien cows (you decide to call them “ali-hefs”) dig through the dead cow remains, taking internal organs as …well, you don’t have any freaking idea why they are taking cow parts. But they are.
.....Meanwhile the sparkly CIC ali-hef is heading toward YOU! You’re still stuck in the muck, your car keys lost in the mud—bad luck, and why the heck did you drive a Pinto instead of a truck? Will they slice and dice you with their nostril lasers, or maybe they want to abduct you? (Wait, wouldn’t it be cool to catch a ride in such a rad machine and see the stars up close while drinking a glass of warm milk….?) Either way, you need to find a way out of this mess. You dig around and come up with an iPod in one jacket pocket, a digital camera in the other, and your pants pockets are crammed full of ….Granola? Oh, hey, it’s granola!  You pop a little in your mouth and crunch away. No wonder my car keys fell out of my pocket......What do you do? “Mmmaaryn!”

TARYN: Hmmm. Has someone been watching a leeeeeetle too much Under the Dome? The heifer will be crowned? The pink alien cows are falling?
.....Sadly, granola is not on my diet, either. So this would probably not be problem. Also, I’ve had my Pinto rewired for keyless entry.
.....If the cow is all sparkly, though, I’m probably too distracted to do more than ruminate. Which is not to be confused with the rumination of cattle. (See what I mean?)
.....But…wait.  Is it a vampire cow? One that belongs in the Twilight saga?
.....Can I quickly phone Team Jacob and get his werewolves to rump their roasts? Sizzle their sirloin? Ground their rounds? Broil their Londons?
.....I immediately think tailgate and start pulling the Coleman out of the back of the pinto to fire up the grill.
.....Then I remember…red meat not on the current diet, either.
.....Maybe I should call Team Edward instead. The vamps are the bloodsucking, bloodthirsty ones, right?
.....No. Wait. Let’s call Eric Northman!

LJ: Awesome! Either way, I think these ali-hefs will have their hands full…or is that hooves full?

DEBBIE: Ya know, I often wonder where you come up with these questions. I mean, I know I give you the basics, but you always turn those basic ingredients into one heck of a chopped salad. BUT! The answers always amaze me even more. THIS answer? OMG! Where do you people come from?

LJ: LOL You really should start wearing that tin foil hat I made you. It’ll help you think clearer. Hey --Thanks for dropping by, Taryn. It was a blast!

DEBBIE: Yes, thanks for chatting with us. It’s been, ummm, enlightening.

 

LJ: Okay for the record, I’ve never watched Under the Dome. Have you?

Debbie: Nope! And who is Eric Northman?

LJ: A sexy dude from True Blood, which originated from The Southern Vampire Mysteries series by Charlaine Harris. But I’m happy you know who Edward is.

Debbie: Well, of course I know who Edward is! Johnny Depp was awesome in that movie!

LJ: Arrrgh! Not Edward Scissorhands…she meant Edward Cullen from the Twilight Saga.

Debbie: Well how was I to know? Sheesh. Boy, you are on it today!

LJ: So…I’m hungry. Cinnamon rolls or a nice cheese Danish would be delish with my coffee.

Debbie: Can we go back to that piccolo discussion? Why should she play it and not him? I don’t understand.

LJ: Hmm…let’s find a café around here and I’ll draw you a picture on a napkin.

Debbie: Okay, but I’ve seen your pictures before.

Heat Wave
Sleepy Hollow Book 4

By: Taryn Kincaid 

BLURB:

.....Sent into the human realm to retrieve prodigal princess, Zena Night, Bhyrne Raines is shocked and unprepared for his carnal reaction to the sexy succubus. In service to the succubus queen, the rugged enforcer must stifle the instant passion exploding within him. Fulfilling his royal duty doesn’t allow for quickie dalliances. His biological clock is ticking, and he begins to enter breedspawn, an intense and unstoppable frenzy of mating all fire-demon males must endure. But the more he wants to avoid Zena, the more he’s drawn to her.
.....Reluctant to give up her carefree life of partying among the mortals when the hot-as-sin Bhyrne comes to fetch her for the queen, Zena uses her succubus wiles to entice him, or at least delay the inevitable trip to the royal court. Once in the demon stronghold, hidden deep within the Catskill mountains, she learns the reason for the summons: she must choose a consort within two days.

.....Zena needs a mate. Bhyrne needs to mate. With time running out for both of them, they each turn to 1Night Stand. With time running out, can Madame Eve come to the rescue?

 

Genre: Paranormal, erotic romance, fantasy romance, urban fantasy
Heat level: 4
Word count: 13k
Cover art by Tibbs Designs

BUY


 EXCERPT:
.....Holy freeze gun, Batman. The words died before she managed to expose them to air. Her mouth snapped shut.
.....One of the Queen’s guards stood before her, huge and tall, nearly twice the size of most of the other males in the joint, a hella hunka supernatural male. Clearly not human, although Hugo Boss’d to his Adam’s apple in an apparent bid to fit in among the humans trolling for hot sex, illicit drugs, watered-down booze and loud music. Beneath the fabric of the unstructured designer suit, the toned muscles of a demonic warrior rolled like tidal waves. Even without the small lapel pin the uninformed might mistake for the The Rolling Stones’ logo, she’d recognize him for a captain of the guard. Maybe the Queen’s own Captain.
.....Hellfire and cotton candy. Trouble. T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
.....But, by the goddess, whattahottie! Despite her certainty that his presence in the club corridor boded ill for her, the force of her sudden hunger shook her.
.....Like lightning.
.....Thunder.
.....A desperate bolt out of the blue.
.....Instant connection to him on the paranormal plane, as if he’d wrapped her aura in gold chains and tugged her to him. But did that fast lane to heaven run one way or two?
.....A grim expression straightened the lines of what otherwise might have been a generous, sensuous mouth. A military buzz cut had weed-whacked hair the color of iron. And it didn’t stop there. Without doubt, metal fortified every single cell in the massive male’s body, pure titanium flowing in his veins. The stern planes and angles of a hard-edged, swoon-worthy face set grimly as cement. Though he lounged in the hallway like any Archie or Jughead waiting in line to discharge his rented beer in a urinal, he exuded authority, his carriage and bearing such that he made the others look like a pack of Twizzlers. Oh. Yeah. More than a mere guardsman, she guessed. An enforcer.
.....Ruh-roh.

AUTHOR BIO:

Taryn is an Olympic caliber athlete egg roller and spends a great deal of her time petitioning the U.S.O.C. to introduce a fantail shrimp competition. When she's not bungee jumping off the Palisades or parasailing up and down the Hudson River, she devotes her time to caring for her aging pet walrus, arranging her voodoo doll-pin collection and practicing rhythmic chants. At this moment, she is busy sweeping up the loose masala chai tea leaves she spilled all over the kitchen floor. (Probably because she needs COFFEE.) Wait. Is that something…sparkly?

Taryn hangs around a lot on Facebook and Twitter with her trillions of fans and pops in at Goodreads from time to time. You can catch her on her website, http://tarynkincaid.com, and her blog, http://dreamvoyagers.blogspot.com where she lives for comments!